I spoke with someone the other day. Someone I just met. A random, polite conversation about depression. I’ve always thought I didn’t know what the difference between PTSD, anxiety and depression was. I know what PTSD is, I know what anxiety is, I know what sadness is, but can’t put my finger depression and how that feels.

My youngest is missing. When I say missing I literally mean I haven’t seen her since mothers day. June 9th was our last phone call and June 25th she reached out to me on social media, begging me to get her away. Domestic Abduction is a real thing. The police here won’t help, the police where she is won’t help. Where I believe she is…..Apparently you turn 18 and you all of a sudden can’t be held against your will, you can’t be taken, no one cares, anymore.

Her land lord, who’s a pompous prick wouldn’t even do a welfare check, nor the police in Logan. The land lord owns the majority of the rentals in Logan so hes self proclaimed, “above the law” and runs on his own accord which is nothing of an integral human.

I went from raising my daughters alone. I mean ALONE. Talking to the one who’s missing 10x a day, Face timing all the time, to NOTHING. The only communication has been the one nightmare of a conversation June 25 begging for help. When the police got to her, they took her back to where she’s been held against her will and that’s the last I’ve heard from her.

Her lease somehow was magically cancelled. All her belongings left there. Everything precious to her. Nothing she would abandon. I went to Logan in July and with her boyfriend packed up her belongings and brought them home. Her existence is in my dining room. My heart is in my throat.

I feel helpless. No one will help, no one will do a welfare check and ID her. She would never just disappear and not talk to me or he sisters and leave everything behind.

Depression: characterized by persistent sadness and a loss of interest in activities that you would normally enjoy.

This isn’t how I feel. Not even close.

Grief is more accurate with how I feel. It’s worse than sadness, worse than pain, worse than hurt. I feel like I can’t breathe. That I’m numb.

I have zero family, but my girls. One is married and happy and busy living and creating her own life. Which I am so proud of!

One is struggling with her own personal challenges and proud of her for facing them even though they are not the easiest.

I’m still blessed with great fitness sponsors. I have a continued love for the gym and all things fitness.

I have a great significant other. Can’t complain there one bit.

My heart is broken for my missing daughter. It’s hard not to cry at the very thought of her. I’m devastated and grief stricken. I almost feel guilty for being so blessed with being happy in other areas of my life that are going well.

I hope that of she reads this post that she knows that I love her more than anything and that I hope she can get away and call me so I can help her. I’m not mad. I’m not upset. I’m worried and grief stricken.

I love you Gabrielle and I miss you so so much ❤️