I think when were born and while we grow up, we don’t know exactly what life has in store for us. I think we watch Disney movies and get a skewed sense of what real life should look like.
Between Disney and Religion I was set up for heartache. Nothing about either “reality” they preached was real. Being so young you are so impressionable and as you grow to adulthood and experience what real life is, its like a kick in the pants. Doing what you’re raised and “told” to do and trying to fulfill the “Disney” life, is nothing short of disappointment.
I am now in my 40s and still navigating what I want my life to be like. Living in the USA is VASTLY different than Canada. You always think the grass is greener. Culture plays a huge part of who we become and even though I’ve been in Utah for many many years, the culture, kills me.
I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a police officer. Which dream came true, on the federal level. Only stopped due to my spinal cord injury I sustained, while on duty. Not only are the people here so different than back home. The police are extremely different. In my experience, the police here (not all, but lots) abuse their power and love to intimidate anyone who slightly looks at them sideways. Doesn’t matter race or nationality.
Moving to the USA was to improve my spine and to take advantage of state of the art medical advancements that Canada had not yet incorporated. The USA has great medical care, but corporations, are taking over ,and doctors are changing careers and/or just look at the bottom dollar amount. Which drastically affects the care of patients.
The Canadian government is responsible for my medical care that’s associated with my injuries sustained while on duty. But, they drag their feet and take forever, if not years to pay for the care, or reimburse me.
I’m a fighter for what’s right. I only let a few people into my circle. Hell, I don’t even know if there are enough people to even make a circle. If you’re in my company and space, you’re special.
I have integrity, rare, I know. But if you get to know me long enough, you will learn this to be true. In so much that I will carry the weight of the world to show it. Not to be “Right” but to show that someone needs to stand up for what’s right. Some causes are important to stand up for and if I need to be the subject to bring awareness to it, I am not afraid.
I have huge goals. I don’t back down, easily. Maybe this is a fault. Sometimes the weight of the world is too heavy. Life isn’t fair. But I have been blessed and I try to remain tranquil and zen while balancing a sea of emotions and fears, much like we all do.
Medical stress is huge for me. My back is not okay. My fitness career is literally in the balance. It’s gutting me. I pray for a miracle and pray I can finish this year strong. I am contemplating public speaking. I believe I have a lot to offer and could inspire a lot of people. Life doesn’t have to be lonely.
Choosing to be happy is a choice and as heavy as life can be I try to be happy.
oxjoxo