Ever get so dedicated to something, someone, a moment in time? Razor focus on one thing or another is completely healthy and very human. But in that moment do you ever wonder and think to yourself, “Id rather be anywhere but here…?”
Growing up I remember wanting to be an adult so bad. So bad, I’d imagine my life as an adult. Little girls have just big dreams and mine was no short of it. I’d dream so large that I wished I was anywhere but where I was in that moment.
Becoming an young adult I remember looking back at my life and two things I wanted more than anything was to become American and become a Police Officer. Little girl dreams. I grew up in Canada and was very proud to be Canadian but becoming American was something I wanted more than anything. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was at that moment in my life.
I recruited to the Edmonton Police service when I was 22 but my then husband told me that if I joined he would divorce me so I turned it down. I was devastated. I wanted to be anywhere but in that moment at that time in my life.
I moved to USA in 2014. A huge life dream. The process of how I moved to the USA wasn’t easy and I can promise you the let down of the original reason behind why I moved here was devastating and I wanted to be anywhere but where I was experiencing what I was experiencing.
Recruiting to the Canadian Forces as a single parent was a huge dream accomplishment. I joined the Police and finally achieved my goal to being a police officer. I did it!! Years after I joined I sustained a devastating spinal cord injury which forced me into early retirement and I promise you I wanted to be anywhere but where I was at that moment in time.
Another bucket list item for this girl was to do a bodybuilding show. I wanted to do one to say that I did it. I did my first show in 2017. Not only did I do it but I fell in love with the sport and industry. I loved the process.
After I did one show I was hooked and getting leaner and leaner was something I couldn’t wait for and wanted to be anywhere but where I was on my bikini competitor journey.
Changing coaches was hard and having them learn my body was hard. Made me want to be anywhere but where I was on that journey.
Depleting below 130 pounds was so difficult. Amazing but difficult and the cardio was miserable and I know every minute I did that cardio I wanted to be anywhere but at the gym at that moment.
Moving to Louisiana in 2018 was so hard. We left our friends and everything familiar to our family. I loved the south. So rich in culture. The weather for this girl was perfect. Humidity and all. But my personal situation there was not acceptable and it made it to where I wanted to be anywhere but there….
Looking back on life and challenges. There are always situations that challenge us and make us want to run away. That’s life and unfortunately we have to get through the tough to get the good.
We suffer and struggle while depleting for a bodybuilding show to reveal the best physical version of ourselves. Cause lets face it mentally we are a mess by that point. What I want to stress is we need to find happy in the middle of chaos. Find the positive in the negative situations and stay above water so to speak. Life is hard! But we need to stay happy and even if it takes us a lifetime to find it we can NEVER give up.
I am so grateful for the blessings I have in my life. Even though its not exactly as how I envisioned it as a little girl. I’m safe, my girls are safe and surrounded but tender mercies from God. Wonderful friends and as hard as I feel like life is kicking me down. I choose to get up and keep fighting and pushing through.
I pray every day to stay happy and focused on what I can control and it allows me to remain focused on the things that make me a better person.
Life is a trip! Why not make it a good one?
xojoxo