A Woman isn’t finished when she’s defeated. She’s finished when she quits!

I think when were born and while we grow up, we don’t know exactly what life has in store for us. I think we watch Disney movies and get a skewed sense of what real life should look like.

Between Disney and Religion I was set up for heartache. Nothing about either “reality” they preached was real. Being so young you are so impressionable and as you grow to adulthood and experience what real life is, its like a kick in the pants. Doing what you’re raised and “told” to do and trying to fulfill the “Disney” life, is nothing short of disappointment.

I am now in my 40s and still navigating what I want my life to be like. Living in the USA is VASTLY different than Canada. You always think the grass is greener. Culture plays a huge part of who we become and even though I’ve been in Utah for many many years, the culture, kills me.

I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a police officer. Which dream came true, on the federal level. Only stopped due to my spinal cord injury I sustained, while on duty. Not only are the people here so different than back home. The police are extremely different. In my experience, the police here (not all, but lots) abuse their power and love to intimidate anyone who slightly looks at them sideways. Doesn’t matter race or nationality.

Moving to the USA was to improve my spine and to take advantage of state of the art medical advancements that Canada had not yet incorporated. The USA has great medical care, but corporations, are taking over ,and doctors are changing careers and/or just look at the bottom dollar amount. Which drastically affects the care of patients.

The Canadian government is responsible for my medical care that’s associated with my injuries sustained while on duty. But, they drag their feet and take forever, if not years to pay for the care, or reimburse me.

I’m a fighter for what’s right. I only let a few people into my circle. Hell, I don’t even know if there are enough people to even make a circle. If you’re in my company and space, you’re special.

I have integrity, rare, I know. But if you get to know me long enough, you will learn this to be true. In so much that I will carry the weight of the world to show it. Not to be “Right” but to show that someone needs to stand up for what’s right. Some causes are important to stand up for and if I need to be the subject to bring awareness to it, I am not afraid.

I have huge goals. I don’t back down, easily. Maybe this is a fault. Sometimes the weight of the world is too heavy. Life isn’t fair. But I have been blessed and I try to remain tranquil and zen while balancing a sea of emotions and fears, much like we all do.

Medical stress is huge for me. My back is not okay. My fitness career is literally in the balance. It’s gutting me. I pray for a miracle and pray I can finish this year strong. I am contemplating public speaking. I believe I have a lot to offer and could inspire a lot of people. Life doesn’t have to be lonely.

Choosing to be happy is a choice and as heavy as life can be I try to be happy.


Personal Growth

Personal Growth

Personal growth is the process of developing new skills, attitudes, actions, or reactions that can have a positive impact on your life and increase your overall well-being.

Now how wonderful would this be to implemented into each of our lives? It’s not easy. Now a days people are addicted to instant gratification and don’t practice patience, skills, attitudes, or much less reactions.

I have worked with a trauma therapist for nearly 9 months now. Yes, I’m admitting it. I was so tired of living the mundane life of doing what society told me or trained me to expect or pretending (yes, pretending) to be happy or submissive just to make sure other people aren’t happy with me. Even with a boundary that is healthy for me AND them.

It wasn’t easy but I’ve been retraining my brain to develop the skills, attitudes, actions and especially my reactions to make my life POSITIVE and HAPPIER, thus increasing MY overall well-being.

I truly believe we are in charge of our own happiness, With saying that I do not believe being happy means being alone. But sometimes being alone for a moment of time (whatever that looks like for you) is better than being with someone who doesn’t make you better, pushes you to be the best version on yourself etc. That doesn’t imply that relationships need to be perfect. No one is. And I’m not just referring to intimate partner relationships, I’m talking with your kids, friends, family, work partners etc. Our imperfections are what makes us unique, The difference is can you, yes you, admit when you were wrong? Sit back and analyze why someone was hurt by what you did or said? (whether intentional or not), Can you apologize? Can you have hard conversations to grow and be better?

There needs to be mutual respect and trust. Ghosting is a new “normal” which is so immature. Have the hard conversations and try to see how you can keep friendships, with friends, family etc.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who doesn’t know where to start. And no, this isn’t a paid referral. I was recommended it by my therapist and it helped me HUGE. It’s called “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa Terkeurst.

I truly believe and know I am a better person now than I was 9 months ago. Have I lost some of my tribe developing my new perspectives and boundaries? 100%. Is my life lighter and happier? 100%. I believe as a person I bring way more to the table. I am more purposeful in my relationships, I choose. I am kinder to myself, and am truly a more peaceful person. I don’t offend easily. I apologize more often. I think more before I respond. I listen to hear, not to respond. And most important, I value myself a thousand more times more than I did, I don’t tolerate less than I deserve, I don’t have friends just to have a tribe. I have friends who bring purpose and make me better and look for a relationship that is mutually respectful and I can see working long term and not just for the time being. Not that this has a time line. Just in general, it’s what I am looking for.

The best part of this entire process is I am happier and content with myself and so much more confident with myself and not afraid to go fro what I want or to step away from what doesn’t feel right. I am confident inn trusting my instincts and use the tools I’ve learned to improve mt daily well-being.

Okay enough of my rambling that has nothing to do with fitness, but in the end, how we feel about ourselves ultimately affects all aspects if our lives so this does and will affect how we are in the gym, how we sleep, eat, keep cortisol levels down etc. So take it for what its worth and don’t forget to love yourselves a little bit more.