Somewhere there is a PAST YOU overflowing with so much PRIDE looking at how far you’ve come.

People always ask me if I have a BEFORE picture. Often people want to know what my BEFORE weight was. I often dont know what to claim as my “before”. Do I say the weight where I spent most of my adult life. When I was the most confident and happy? My fit military weight?

Or do I tell them where I was at my heaviest? The point where I felt the most despair and was at my heaviest? The point where I was on so many pain killers and prednisone to help control my spinal cord injury. Pre surgery. The point where I couldn’t get out of bed and cried daily at the point where my life was? The point where I hated my life. The point I felt hopeless? Yes, I was there one time.

While at my lowest point of my life I decided enough was enough and got off all pain meds, steroids for pain control. Hired a trainer and took MY LIFE BACK!. Decided I was going to compete in a bikini competition finally and have zero excuse. This was PRE SURGERY. This was where I tell people my journey began. This is my BEFORE.

The left I was at my worst. My lowest mentally and my largest physically. I was 178 pounds. I share this to let people know, I get it! I’ve been there. I was “That Girl”. Embarrassed to be seen. Nothing fit. I felt despair. I felt sadness and defeat.

The right I was the most fit. The leanest I’ve ever been. My last bikini competition which marked my 6th show. I was 106 pounds! That’s a 72 pound difference people!

It wasn’t easy. Lots sucked in this process but I promise you. Its worth it. I am worth it. All the struggle was worth it. And you want to know something else? It was just as hard starting to loose the weight in October 2015 as it was Jan 2019 starting my last prep. Its all HARD.

I have learned we pick our hard. Being over weight is hard. Being fit is hard. Prep is hard. We can choose our hard. Its harder to get into shape than it is to stay in shape so this time I choose to stay in shape and within ten pounds of peak week weight. So off season I choose to stay under 130 pounds.

Ok, so this is painful for me to post! Not proud of where my spinal cord injury allowed me to get but I want people to know this was me. Full disclosure. Pre sleeve and all! If I can do it. YOU CAN DO IT!

My past me is OVERFLOWING with PRIDE looking at how FAR IVE COME!

I want my followers to know that life is hard. Life throws you curves but that doesn’t mean you need to give up. I am 40 years old today and in the best shape of my life. I am so proud of myself! My journey isn’t over. I have more fitness goals. I will not stop! I got this!!