When you’re surviving, you can’t dream!

New year, usually means new goals, new start, new life! To many, New Years, is scary. A New Year, is scary. Many who deal with mental illness or excessive stress or even those who have suffered loss, whether it’s part of them, or a loved one, or in any respect.

New start means pushing beyond what you are mentally or physically capable of, whether that capability is what’s told to us or what we place on ourselves, I truly believe who you surround yourself with, is your greatest strength. I purposely pulled away from toxic situations and people the last 4 months.

It hasn’t been easy, but my soul feels free. Liberated and that, to me, has be huge! Sometimes we need to protect ourselves and push out all the negative energy that’s been placed in our lives, even if we, ourselves, unintentionally or unawaringly, allow these people in our lives. Has it been easy? Hell no. Has it been worth it? In a lot of ways, yes! But breaking years of habits that have let me allow certain people into my life, has been hard.

I find that when you are at the lowest places in life, you find out who your true tribe is. My last surgery put me into the worst CPTSD tail spin, to date. My “Tribe” wasn’t there for me. When I reached out to my “tribe” they turned away. I’m not saying they needed to “fix” it or “take it away”. CPTSD is my journey, God gave me.

It was a low point for me. To realize that some “friends” aren’t friends. They have you around for this reason or that reason. Now, I don’t wish any ill will on anyone. I just think it’s sad that I was raised to help everyone, no matter my station in life, and others can easily turn a blind eye, When its their opportunity to step up.

Human nature is to take care of number one. After all we cant help others, if we’re not okay, But, now and then, one of us will take our turns, not being okay, and I pray that people will reach out to me and let me know if I can help.

Life is to be shared, not to be alone. But sometimes being alone, alone, is so freeing.


Leave a Reply