Home Sick

I had to travel back home for unexpected, unplanned events. Not for fun, or for a holiday. Quite frankly it wasn’t even in the budget for me to go. But I had to go. Traveling to Canada in January is not a vacation! Lol it’s expensive. Car rentals with 4 wheel drive aren’t cheap either.

My back has been so terrible lately I was even in the ER yesterday for pain management. Now where am I going with this you ask? Life isn’t easy! Life throws you curves. I dreaded this trip for the entire week I had it booked.

Believe it or not I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like uncertainty and I don’t handle stress well. Yup, I’m a woman.

Sometimes life gives you opportunities to work on your weaknesses and or gives you opportunities to grow and become better.

Even though I don’t like confrontation I am very good at advocating and explaining myself. I am very fair and not selfish. I am very good at seeing other people’s points to things and am by far the first one to apologize if I feel I’ve offended someone or if they mistook what I said.

My weakness is I don’t want others to feel bad so will brush things under the rug or take fault just so they have a better day – I’m working on this.

I am also very good at getting my point across without offending other parties. Even when it’s not what they want to hear.

I have three beautiful daughters. One who is on the autism spectrum. She is not easy. I question my abilities to be the best Mom to her daily. But I never give up. I will advocate for her until I die. Life through her eyes is so different. And I try to find humor in the most crazy of days. Which can be very hard to do with grace.

Advocating for my children is what I’ve done solo for the past ten plus years. I’m used to doing it alone and learning to balance that load with my spouse. Which isn’t easy to do since we’ve only been married 11 months.

Lots of women in my situation would look at my situation I’m in right now and have different ways of handling it. All I want in my life is for my kids to be happy and have everything they need. Period! If they’re happy, I’m happy.

Since my injury I’ve been on disability through my Military pension. It’s not a lot but I’ve been able to make it work. My kids have had nearly everything they’ve needed and or wanted and all on a mostly single income home. I’ve tried to have their life reflective of a two parent home even though I was a single mom for 10 years. I didn’t want my kids to suffer because I wasn’t married to their “bio dad” anymore. If that even makes sense?

I remember working 3 & 4 jobs at a time to make up for lack of support or no support over the years. You just do what it takes. I remember working 80+ hours a week just to support my kids. I just did what I had to do. I missed a lot of volunteering at school and a lot of field trips but I always had stability for my kids. In Canada we lived in the same home for over 8 years while I was single. My kids didn’t know any different. And that’s how I wanted it. I felt truly blessed to be able to do that for them.

Moving state side wasn’t easy. Immigration alone is so expensive. But my girls have such good friends here and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Medically my one daughters needs was so hard to meet. I was so used to a free medical system so this was a huge added expense. But, you do what it takes, right?

So here I am, back in Canada advocating for my kids for support. I will not lay down and give up. My kids are worth everything to me and I will go to heaven and back to make sure they get what they need.

Being fair is an acceptable outcome. Being fair is enough. Being fair is all I want. I’m not malicious. I’m not out for revenge. I want peace. I want my kids to be the priority. I will not stop making sure my kids are the top priority. Even if it means a January trip to Canada. Haha.

I am so blessed with such good friends here. I miss this so bad. I wish I had the friendships in Utah like I do in Calgary. My friends here are family. I can be 100% myself. I can laugh and cry and not be judged. I feel like I can be a true friend here. It’s so nice to be able to be 100% me and totally accepted. I am enough here and it’s so nice. Such a peaceful feeling.

I’m staying at my best friends house like I always do when I come home. We can pick up where we left off even if it’s been a year since we have seen one another. It’s just such a blessing to me to have amazing friends like this.

I also met up with another best friend for dinner. She dropped everything when she knew I was here and we laughed and laughed and just talked about life, kids and men! Haha. Me about my hubby and her about her crazy adventures dating.

(Yes I look tired! I’ve been up since 4am)

My family back home had a crazy day. My youngest got her cast off today. She had foot surgery on the 13th. She now is in a boot for another three weeks. My middle child had after school therapy group and my oldest worked but played parent and took my youngest to the doctors cause my hubby is working in the mine.

I miss my family back home but I am here ensuring my girls best future isn’t forgotten or thrown to the wayside. Here is hoping this week goes well and next week can be back to training and being the best family we can be. I love my kids!

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