Self Reflection

Do you ever have those life challenges that allow you to really look razor focused on your life and wonder what the?

I think with age comes maturity.  A maturity that even we are unaware of in the moment.  I believe that life is a reflection of your choices.  Choices you choose and choices you allow others to choose and have a great influence on you.

There is a difference here.  Things we chose we take 100% accountability for.  The latter is choices made by others that greatly affect us.  Either for the good or for the bad.  Now if the “Joelle” 20 years ago knew this I think the “Joelle” now would have been a lot happier.


I believe I was raised a certain way and was expected to act a certain way.  I was taught that failure wasn’t ok.  That once you make up your mind on something there is not backsies.  So choose wisely and don’t ever give up or fail.  With such knowledge I believe I endured a lot of pain and suffering I wouldn’t have had I knew my worth and what I was valued at.

Now to some extent I believe this is true.  Things we can control and choose 100% we should see through and make that goal or dream come true.  Now on other things where we are not in control we need to make a rational choice.

How does this make us feel?

How does this affect me?

Is it positive?

Does it bring out the best in me?

Does it benefit me or the ones I love?

See what I’m getting at?

People are going to judge.  They cant help it.  They judge your success, they judge the struggle and they judge the failure.  But do they know everything?  People love social media and can portray whatever they want on there.  Their best sides I’m sure.

We all have the grumpy side.  The not cover story side.  But we also have the passionate side and loving side.  After all we are human.

Now what I am getting at here is there is a bigger picture.  I believe life is meant to be happy.  If I could answer the grade school assignments on what I want to be when I’m older I would hands down say “BE HAPPY”

I have wasted way too much time trying to make everyone else happy.  At the demise of me being happy.  I have learned over the last couple years that what I miss more than anything is ME.

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I miss being happy in the mornings.  I miss calling my friends back home and gushing with excitement about something.  I miss my kids seeing me happy.  I miss the genuine smile I have when I train.  I miss coming home after a long day of training and errands to a happy home.  I miss my kids coming to me at any time to tell me whatever they want. I miss ME!!

It truly is the simple things.  Sleeping without anxiety.  Waking up without anxiety.  Going to the gym without anxiety.  Having a holiday without anxiety.  Sleeping period.  I struggle with sleep but when your days are all consumed with anxiety its even more fleeting.

I miss being able to say whatever I want without judgement.  I miss being able to spend time with friends guilt free.  I miss being happy.  I miss smiling.  I miss feeling like I’m directing my own life.  I miss peace.  I miss quiet. I miss my own thoughts.  I miss ME!

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I miss being able to have goals and not being made to feel guilty for them because they’re what I want.  I miss being able to be successful.  I miss feeling inspirational.  I miss ME!

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I believe that at this point in my life I need to do whatever it takes to be happy and to find happiness again.  I need peace.  I deserve peace.  My kids deserve peace.  We all do.  I am willing to do whatever it takes to find this again.  Even scary, courageous things.  I’m willing to weed out the negative in my life.  If its not positive and pushing me to be a better person then it has to go.

I believe bodybuilding has made me a better person no matter what people say.  Its allowed me to prove to myself I am capable of hard things.  That I can be in control of my life.  That I can be a positive influence.  It has allowed me to not seep into depression on the trials and craziness of life.  It’s allowed me to find happiness in unhappy periods of time.  Its allowed me to meet the kindest most genuine people all over the world.

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Its been my therapy that I so needed in my life.  Its given me purpose when I was medically released from the military.  It’s given me life.  Its empowered me and my children and many friends and people whom I dont even know.

We are allowed to be happy.  We are worth it!  It’s ok to refind yourself and rediscover what makes you happy.  You need to do it for you.  Not for anyone else.  I am reminded that happiness is what drives everything positive in this life and this is what I want.  I want to be happy.  Through and through happy.

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Our bodies are so smart.  We need to feel peace to grow and be successful.  Be brave enough to do the big things that will make you happy.  Only you can change the situation.  Are you happy?


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