Sometimes life has a funny way of forcing personal growth. Not because you’re unwilling to grow, but rather, we feel we need circumstances perfect in order to believe we are strong enough to accept such growth.
I am guilty of being a creature of habit. I like predictability. I like to succeed and to not fail. My track record in life will show you. Once I decide on something, I give it my everything. Even to a fault.
I am unstoppable once I get in my head, what I want. This year has been no exception. Its been 198 days since I made the most courageous decision in my entire life. A decision I spent months and months preparing myself for.
The days leading up to this decision to come to life were turbulent to say the least. They weren’t how I expected it to be. But looking back its exactly how it needed to be for me to have the courage to make the decision I did. Not just for me but for my girls as well.
I don’t give up easy. I don’t like to fail. I don’t like to not succeed. This year I have had to redefine failure and success in my mind. Failure isn’t black and white. Failure is possibilities to grow and succeed. Failure is a mere redirection of where you are meant to be. Failure is opportunities to grow and to surpass your wildest expectations to be happy.
Success isn’t staying stagnant. Success isn’t being unhappy. Success isn’t what you have, where you live, or how people perceive you. Success is being venerable. Success is being happy. Success is being around those who love you. Success is coming home every single day smiling and knowing your safe. Success is love. Success is peace.
My family has come a long way in the last 7 months. My daughters are amazing women and have supported me in everything I have decided was best for our little family. They are all such amazing women! They amaze me everyday how resilient they are. They truly make me a better mother and person.
God has been so amazing to us. It has no way been easy but he has sent multiple tender mercies into our lives to make this transition a little more bearable. I have an amazing tribe here of amazing friends. Not only that, but one amazing person he has put in my life who has been an anchor of calm and understanding. I truly have never been so happy in my life. I still have lots to rebuild for life to be the same as before or the same as I’d expect it to be but as for now I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.
I am grateful for finally feeling peace after years of chaos. I am grateful for the calm in my life. I am grateful for consistency. Bodybuilding is a huge part of my life and I am grateful for choosing a show to compete in, in 2020.
Life may not always make sense but I am very happy with my life right now.
xojoxo