In retrospect I take responsibility for where I have travelled. the people I have met. The heartache I encountered, all of it. I take responsibility for all the joy, all the good times. But also, for the upheaval and strain it brought into my life.
They say God only gives you what you can handle. I guess I should feel better about my journey, but I’m still learning.
As we approach this Christmas season, I find myself reflecting on this past year. I haven’t decided if 2019 was a year I want to applaud or not. BUT with saying that, 2019 has brought me such joy and love that I cant write off my journey of how I got here.
Usually, by now, I have Christmas cards out. I have them with our family photos we just took, which didn’t happen this year. I usually have my Christmas tree all decorated and presents underneath it, which I dont. I usually have Christmas music playing and have crazy memories with my kids, which has hardly happened this year. I usually have my Christmas shopping finished long before now, which isn’t even close to being completed yet.
This year I have lived in 5 different places!! No joke. All by choice. We began this year in Louisiana and ending it in Utah. I’ve competed in two bodybuilding shows. Both in California and Louisiana.
My oldest landed a great job here in Utah and misses her job in Louisiana. She went from a private, small office to a busy, large office. She loves her job and the freedom it allows her to have. She still towers me but is one of the kindest people I know.
My middle child is a spit fire and doesn’t miss a beat. She challenges me daily and will be so well rounded if she uses this skill in channeled areas, HA! She’s a junior in high school and loving the social aspect of school more than anything else.
My youngest is a sophomore and has a 4.0 average. Is in FFA and so dedicated to anything she puts her mind to. She’s a true joy to be around. There isn’t anything you cant challenge this girl too and her not be successful.
This past year I have learned a lot about myself. Had to advocate a ton for myself and my girls. Nothing has been easy. I have been surrounded by amazing people and have learned that its ok to not be able to handle every life situation myself. That people want and are willing to help.
I have learned that its ok to be loved just for being me. That I am enough! I am learning that I can have opinions and they have value. I am truly ending 2019 on a high note. I would have never thought in a million years that my life could so drastically change from the beginning of a year to the end of the year. And looking back, if I had to relive this year, just to be where I am today, I’d do it in a heart beat.
I am so so happy with where my life is right now. I am surrounded by amazing people and my girls are so wonderful and I am so thankful for how resilient they are. I am blessed to be with someone who truly accepts me for me and I absolutely love all the time I am able to spend with him.
If I can give anyone any advice. It would be that no matter what. No matter what someone tells you, no matter how someone makes you feel.
YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU HAVE VALUE. YOU MATTER. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU ARE SOMEONES EVERYTHING.
Never give up, no matter how grey the skies get. I am finally able to be me, who knew, it was in me all this time.